Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Reflection From a UC Berkeley Islamo-Jihadist

My name is Bilaal Ahmed, and I'm the former leader of your local jihadist organization, the Muslim Student Association (MSA) at UC Berkeley. I don't know if you noticed, but two weeks ago my cover was blown by a paid political advertisement in the Daily Cal from David Horowitz's Freedom Center, which revealed that we, the MSA, are a "campus front group for jihad." To think that the hard work of Muslims in America over the past 40 years to construct this front could be uncovered so easily pains me greatly.

I am writing to admit to you, attentive reader, that Horowitz once again is absolutely correct just like he was this past October with Islamo-Fascism Awareness Week. Unfortunately, we are still waiting for a terrorist state to be established so that we can all devote our lives to it and place its well-being above our own.

Since Horowitz already let the cat out of the bag, let me tell all of you just a few ways your MSA at Berkeley has supported terror this past year: We made terrorism-laced sandwiches on Sproul to give to homeless people at least once a month, hoping that they would join our cause; we organized a team of 70 Muslims to participate in Relay for Life on behalf of the American Cancer Society, hoping that one day we will be able to use cancer as a biological weapon; we held a charity event and raised $1,000 for Save the Children (of terrorists, of course). Oh, and before I forget, we've occasionally held ice cream socials, dinners, bowling nights, barbeques, broom-balling, ski trips and get this, we play football on some Fridays to pretend that we love America. As you can easily tell, all our activities are designed to foster extremely close relationships among the members of our terrorist organization so that when one of us goes out for a jihadi terrorist mission, we can all get super depressed when they do not come back alive.

We also spearheaded a massive campaign to recruit others to stand in solidarity with our terrorist cause. We had to do this in the most creative manner possible so we voiced our concern as the need for "peace" (May God protect us from it!). You may have heard of the so-called "Peace Not Prejudice Week." Unfortunately, our plan backfired and we ended up uniting groups for the "worthy" cause of peace and not prejudice which was by no means our intention. We preferred the slogan "Prejudice Not Peace," but that did not seem to go over well with other members of the coalition.

Not to mention we also host weekly self-betterment series for our members, in which we help them hone their terrorism skills and encourage open dialogue about issues in Islam-oh I am sorry-Islamo-Fascism. We are currently working on expanding our services to include TIP, the Terrorism Improvement Project, in an effort to network with other local terrorists and help our members reach out to leaders in the greater terrorist community. TAP (Terrorism Awareness Project), take that!

Clearly, MSA is just not doing a good enough job of hiding its terrorist activities. In fact, we would like to thank Horowitz for spending so much of his own private funding and time on an ad that got us free publicity and landed us on the map. If you see our table on Sproul, please stop by, ask questions and leave with a better sense of terrorism in Berkeley. Oh and don't forget to pick up some pamphlets about Islamo-Fascism and give them to your friends!


Huda Shaka` said...

This is awesome - best spoof I've read in a long time.

Yesi King said...

i second that huda:)

Anonymous said...

HA HA love it!!!!